Poor Things (2023) (Review)

Poor Things (2023) Story: Bella Baxter is a young lass brought back to life in the most unusual way by a mad scientist. He replaces her brain with that of her infant child’s. Oh Lord! I have to say this: Lame, Lame & Lame!!! From the start of the film, I knew I was going to be bored for over two hours. And yet I sacrificed myself, once again. For you and for my own misfortune, but also for the good of humanity!

When the film started, I wondered if it was Lars Von Trier.
I stopped the film after a while to see who the director was. What a surprise! Lo and behold, this film was made by someone I detest as much as I detest Gaspar Noé, for example. What a coincidence!
Ahhhh! Good old Yorgos…
I’m going to take great pleasure in slagging off this film, even though it’s won four awards, but hey… that’s more of a surprise. It’s like the Palme d’Or! For me, it automatically means “bad film”. In any case, this film won four prizes. There’s just the costume prize, which was well deserved.

Yorgos Lanthimos doesn’t have a very clear view of reality. He said: “I don’t know how to make a simple film. He’s completely off his rocker. The truth is much simpler: Yorgos just can’t make a film! Why lie to himself so miserably?

In 2023, he made his big comeback in cinemas with this ultra perverse gothic comedy “Poor Creatures” adapted from a novel by Alasdair Gray. A novel I’m definitely not going to read! Why waste so much time in such a short life?The dance scene is great… but… at the same time, the dance scenes in the worst films are often the best scenes.

This film is Soft Porn (Softcore pornography or softcore porn) Explanation: Softcore pornography or softcore porn is commercial photography, film or art that has a pornographic or erotic component, but is less sexually graphic and intrusive than hardcore pornography, defined by a lack of visual sexual penetration. It generally contains nude or semi-nude actors involved in love scenes and is intended to be sexually arousing and aesthetically beautiful. The distinction between softcore pornography and erotic photography or art, such as Vargas pin-ups, is largely a matter of debate. Softcore pornography can include sexual activity between two people or masturbation. It does not contain explicit depictions of sexual penetration, cunnilingus, fellatio, fingering, wanking or ejaculation. Depictions of penile erections may not be permitted, although attitudes to this are constantly changing.

So much for the news. Now back to the unbearable, vomit-inducing film with the most dubious message. One of the worst films I’ve ever seen! Well… with the great Yorgos, it’s not difficult.

Given the audience’s reaction, which was fairly “positive”, laughter in reaction to horrors, I’m entitled to ask myself the question “Am I the one who’s abnormal?”

And what happened to the excellent Emma Stone? The worst thing is that she’s going to do it again with this director. Either she wants to change audiences and make herself hated by her current fans, or she wants to show that she really can do anything and exceed all limits, without exception. But what seems most likely is that she absolutely wanted to add porn actress to her list of achievements. At the same time, everything is done to ensure that the staging is flashy and that the lead actress’s performance wins her all the acting awards of the year.

All this doesn’t change the fact that she remains one of the best actresses in the world, very hard to match. But I’m a little worried about her future. As for William Dafoe, he’s fine: this time we don’t see his penis. Perhaps because we know him a little too well, thanks mainly to Lars Van Trier. This exceptional actor is also capable of playing anything and has no limits. But it’s a shame to see him regularly in such bad films.

Is it true that this film is “For All Audiences”??? It’s unpleasant, creepy, disturbing, long, very very long, and half the film is just sex. There’s almost more sex than dialogue… and even the dialogue is worthy of a pornographic film. If that was the intention, then it’s very successful. But leave the children alone! Don’t take them to see this bloody film!

In fact, the scene in which the father gives his children their sex education reaches the height of pathos. Seen by Monty Python, it was really funny in “The Meaning of Life”, but here… Anyway!

And Mark Ruffalo, really? Who has that accent in English? Well, he probably did it on purpose, but I’m not even sure. And what was he trying to prove? That he wasn’t just a child actor and that he wasn’t just the Hulk? Was he still afraid of ending up at Marvel and never getting out? He’s as loathsome as they come in this role, but comes off well, despite it all.

I liked this review that I found: “It feels like the guys in Hollywood have to deal with subjects that don’t really interest them at the moment. That’s a shame. Make only gay films: problem solved.”

The Real Poor Things are us, the people who are watching.
See you soon, folks!

My Rating…LAME!!!!