Eden Log (2007)

Eden Log (2007)

I already don’t like Eden Lake (2008), so I’ll probably never appreciate a film with “Eden” in the title!

Directed and co-written by Franck Vestiel. This is his first film as a director. The film was shot entirely on hand-held camera.

Yet another attempt by French cinema in the fantasy/sci-fi/horror genre! And yet we know that France doesn’t do well with this kind of film.

Except for Méandre (2021), perhaps, which was also quite oppressive.

Well, I don’t think I completely hated Maléfique, which also starred Clovis Cornillac, by the way! Amazing!!! If ever, I’m not talking about Disney’s Maleficent (2014) with Angelina Jolie & Elle Fanning, but well and truly Éric Valette’s Maléfique released in 2002.

So… what can I say? How to start?

This film is so dark that it looks like it’s in black and white. And maybe it is, in fact!

Like all detestable films, there’s a whole category of people who loved it and shouted ‘O masterpiece!’ or ‘At last a good French film!’. No way! Not as far as I’m concerned.

The film was a real pain to watch. I was desperately waiting for something to happen. And then I couldn’t wait for it to end! And yet, I would have loved to be able to say that the first quarter of an hour is just a milestone to pass or that the first half-hour is excellent… but alas, I can’t. It won’t take you long to realise that you’re wasting a lot of time!

Really, out of the whole film, there were maybe five minutes that intrigued me in total. I really struggled to get into it. I read the rave reviews saying that you shouldn’t miss even thirty seconds, that the film is so complex and well put together, that you shouldn’t doze off for a minute or you won’t understand anything. And what if there was nothing to understand? It’s all very well to create nothing by pretending to be avant-garde and misunderstood!

A guy wakes up naked, in mud. The light is unbearably flickering. In fact, there’s mostly darkness and one second of light, several seconds of darkness and… well, you get the idea! The character picks up a lamp from the corpse next to him… which is obviously very useful, given what I’ve just described.

It’s slow, it’s overplayed. There’s clearly a message of peace and ecology, but it drowns in total boredom. The trailer has nothing to do with the pace of the film and that makes it really misleading.

If you don’t like Clovis Cornillac, his face is in close-up for three-quarters of the film. What’s more, he doesn’t say much at the beginning, when I would have been screaming for help and, above all, to find out why I’ve ended up in such a godforsaken place.

The very last scene is meant to be touching, and it probably is. But we’re not going to cry, are we?

On TV, you can zap, but at the cinema, you have to pay! You should be able to get out in the first half-hour and get your money back. But we know we don’t live in a fair world.

Thank you, Franck Vestiel, for not making another film!
Well… even if there were, I don’t intend to watch them. Dystopia isn’t your thing and our time is precious.