Ballerina Assassin (2025)

Ballerina Assassin (2025)

But… what is this film? An even worse TV movie? A bad episode of a series that was cancelled midway through due to lack of audience?

The only thing this film has going for it is its story! Here it is: ‘When her organisation is betrayed and slaughtered, a hitwoman who took ballet classes as part of a mission infiltrates the ballet world in order to expose the mole and dismantle the ruthless cult that’s hunting her down.’

If you want it shorter: “A hitwoman must take ballet lessons as part of an undercover assignment. During her infiltration, her entire criminal organisation is wiped out by a mole.”

It goes without saying that fans of action films will be attracted by the idea.
But even for them, Ballerina Assassin will be a bad movie to avoid!

Not to be confused with Ballerina (released the same year), which is a spin-off from the John Wick film series starring Keanu Reeves, set between the events of John Wick: Chapter (2019) and (2023). It stars Ana de Armas.

I wonder how similar the title of this film is! It’s the principle of the Tik Tok video: attract people to watch at least one minute so that the video can be monetised, and thus make a profit. Except that a lot of people are becoming increasingly aware of these flaws.

So I don’t even know if I can say that the lead actress has charisma. I guess you could just say she’s very beautiful (and should have stuck to modelling) like Rocio Scotto (The Seductress from Hell, Cocaine Bear and Chapel), but in this case you could just pick up anyone attractive off the street and give them a role, even if they’ve never taken an acting or drama class. Yet Preet made his name with Road Wars: Max Fury (2024) and Midas (2024). Not sure these are films I’ll be testing or checking out.

Despite the (misleading) poster, don’t expect a Milla Jovovich in a Resident Evil (2002 to 2016), because this film is even worse than her Ultraviolet (2005) or Aeon Flux (also 2005) with Charlize Theron. And that’s saying something! No, if you want to see films with women in sexy and/or classy outfits, you should also check out Kate Beckinsale’s Underworld (2003 to 2016) and her Canary Black (2024). I’m also going to say that Preet Kaur as Ballerina Assassin is the worst and Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow (2010 to 2021) is the best.

You might think that the French dubbing is catastrophic… but when you watch the original version, you soon realise that that’s how everyone really speaks here!

Michael Su is yet another director who should be retrained for a job he’d be good at. Seriously! Do you want to see films called Snow White and the Seven Samurai (with Eric Roberts, no less!), Transmorphers – Mech Beasts, Armageddon – Welcome to the Multiverse or The Twisters? Or Bloodthirst, knowing that it stars Tara Reid?

I saw a version of this film that lasts 1 hour 07 minutes, as if someone had managed to save us from this ordeal which, theoretically, lasts 1 hour 25 minutes! That’s still something!!!

Sometimes I read reviews of other films saying that everything about them is bad. For my part, I’m always very indulgent, because I’m always convinced that you can always find worse. Unfortunately, Ballerina Assassin fits these criteria perfectly! It’s quite a feat to pull off something this bad. Everything’s wrong: the acting, the action scenes, the stunts, the dialogue, the direction, which is also full of false chords! No credibility or logic whatsoever. These days, there are young people making amateur films that are much more successful.

No, really, there’s nothing to salvage this time! A bit like Madame Web (2024), which is probably the worst superhero film I’ve ever seen. And yet I had to wait a long time for it, given that I’m a fan of the Marvel and DC universes.

When people say they can’t wait for a film to end, sometimes that’s more true than others…

0 stars