Duchess (2024)

Duchess (2024)

Also known as: Scarlett – Diamond of Revenge

In the treacherous world of diamond trafficking, Duchess, left for dead, is determined to seek revenge.

An action film with gangsters isn’t really my cup of tea!

A British crime film directed by Neil Marshall who really missed the mark this time! It’s a revenge action thriller starring a female lead played by Charlotte Kirk. The film received both a limited box-office release and a generally negative critical reception… which reassures me! It’s rare that I don’t have to slag off a film that everyone else has loved… but in this case, I don’t need to force myself if none of us liked it.

Still, Kirk has won 13 awards and received 12 nominations! I don’t know how that’s possible. I really must find out whether she’s actually that talented or if it’s all just a sham down to her flawless looks. It’s actually very likely that the public isn’t very discerning and only appreciates her for her beauty and figure. Yes, I’m joking! This British actress, screenwriter, and producer has already made quite a name for herself. In 2024, Kirk was named one of the 30 most influential leaders in the UK by the editors of Business & Charity magazine. She is an animal rights activist and also sings in her spare time. She has released two music videos, ‘Eyes in Love’ and ‘I Get the Feeling Again’.

I really enjoyed her films such as The Lair (2022), also directed by Neil Marshall, who went on to become her husband. She co-wrote, produced, and starred in The Reckoning (2020), also directed by Marshall, who has made quite a few good films… but this is the worst I’ve seen! I didn’t recognise his style at all. I hope love hasn’t made him unimaginative. It’s a far cry from Hellboy: Call of Darkness (2019), The Descent (2005), and even Dog Soldiers (2002). I haven’t seen Doomsday (2008) yet, though.

As you can tell, I didn’t like this film at all; I consider it the worst film by the duo Charlotte Kirk & Neil Marshall (who are 22 years apart in age, mind you!) and the worst of their individual work. I hope it’s not because they’re resting on their laurels.

It’s too long, pointless, crammed with boring scenes and gratuitous violence. What’s more, I found it very hard to believe. Whether it was the pickpocketing, the brutal fights, the murders, or the revenge itself. You can’t become a ruthless killer when you’ve got no experience whatsoever. Sure, anger can push you to surpass yourself, but not to become an unstoppable super-fighter, not even against burly, experienced criminals.

The dialogue is pretty ridiculous and flat, just like the lead actress’s voice-over narration. An actor who looks like Tom Cruise is called Tom in the film. Very original and absolutely hilarious! It might even be the funniest gag we have to sit through in nearly two interminable hours. Even the music isn’t great.

The opulence on display is the only thing that really appeals to me, and I’d love to have a massive mansion like the one shown, as well as that cool green car.
The further the film goes on, the more pathetic it becomes. The worst thing is that I knew I wasn’t going to like it, but I didn’t know it was by a director I actually adore. It would have been better if I hadn’t known; I would have kept all my respect and admiration for him. The same goes for his wife: I would have thought she only starred in interesting films. It’s all falling apart!

For a very long time, I knew the British were capable of the very best. I think I’ve found it much harder to accept that they’re also perfectly capable of the very worst.

In conclusion: whilst The Stranglers’ song ‘Duchess’ is a little masterpiece, this film is the complete opposite! What’s more, the reason the film is called that is so ridiculous…

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