Winnie-the-Pooh – Blood and Honey (2023) & Winnie-the-Pooh 2 – Blood and Honey (2024) (Movie Reviews)

Two reviews in one! Right! I’m going to be very clear, but not concise! I’m going to do two in one and review both films at the same time.

First of all, I had no desire to see them. I knew I was going to be bored to death. Well… I was surprised! In fact, it’s even worse than I imagined… but that’s really the only surprise! As I have to sacrifice myself in my job as a film critic, alas, I have to suffer from time to time and not have only eternal pleasure.

This duo of films are the first parts of The Twisted Childhood Universe (TCU). They are horror stories based on the Winnie the Pooh books by A. A. Milne and E. H. Shepard.

In fact, I can’t think of a single thing in these films that isn’t rubbish. It’s a succession of ultra-gory scenes, it’s badly acted, there’s no script (although they made an effort in the second one!), it’s really not enjoyable. Basically… it’s pointless! Unless, of course, you want to see slasher gore of the worst kind.

Oh yes: there’s always bikinis, big tits and toplessness. I’d almost forgotten that’s all some people need to shout ‘O Genius!’ at a film.Both stories are rubbish, the dialogue ridiculous, the direction pathetic. In fact, I could hardly express enough how much I dislike this director, Rhys Frake-Waterfield, and how much I find him as useless as someone like Tom Six. Words fail me!

And you should know that he also intends to destroy all the relatively pure images we have of Bambi, Peter Pan & Wendy, Pinocchio, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Powerpuff… As you can see, he definitely wants to destroy the world of the Care Bears, because he’s far too frustrated never to have been able to find it. He’s also been waiting patiently and wisely before he could make this damned turnip. Indeed, the rights to the characters had belonged to The Walt Disney Company since 1966 and, although Disney retains exclusive rights to representations of these characters from its own franchise, the first Winnie the Pooh book entered the public domain in the US on 1 January 2022.

Frake-Waterfield explained in an interview that the first version of the film was supposed to be closer to the original source material. However, the Walt Disney Company retained exclusive rights to representations of these characters from its own franchise, so Waterfield had to abandon the original script and rewrite it to avoid any legal problems. You’ve got to be kidding me!

He’s not going to stop there, despite all the criticism he’ll continue to receive and pile up. At least, when he gets an idea in his head… he knows how to be stubborn.But he just doesn’t realise that he’s doing all this for nothing!Once he’s done with his ravings as a brat traumatised by the more or less innocent beauty of the cartoons of his childhood, his films/works will dissipate forever without ever leaving a mark on the world of cinema. We’ll see him with the same fascination that we see serial killers today, especially those lucky enough to have escaped the electric chair. But with the same disgust too. And they’ll weep as they wish they’d never had all the spankings they deserved for ruining so much film.

But if the aim is to win as many bad prizes as possible, that’s another matter. To each his own in life!
Yes, because the film was massively criticised by the critics, many considering it one of the worst films of all time, and received five Golden Raspberry Awards, including Worst Film. The others were: Worst Director and Worst Screenplay (both Frake-Waterfield, of course!), Worst Screen Couple, Winnie the Pooh and Piglet as bloodthirsty slasher/killers. And finally Worst prequel, remake, rip-off or sequel.

So much for being a rip-off! I can understand why you might like the atrocious deaths in Wrong Turn (I’m not talking about 5 and 6, which are just as bad as these films) or Final Destination. I can see why you might get a kick out of seeing the murders in the early Scream films and their spin-offs like Urban Legend or Remember Last Summer. I’m not even talking about Freddy, Friday the 13th with Jason or Halloween. On the other hand, as soon as you move on to Hostel or Saw-style violence, you’re on another level. What was still funny for some people will no longer be so with these franchises. We’re not going to go into Human Centipede, but one thing’s for sure: there’s nothing funny about Winnie-the-Pooh – Blood and Honey, except that it’s extremely badly made and badly acted. Sure, the make-up of deformities caused by excruciating injuries is spine-chilling, but the special effects leave a lot to be desired. There are lots of heads ripped off, exploded and crushed. Almost all the time, in fact!

Yes, it’s a rip-off! In the second installment, we don’t really see the four killer creatures, at least not in a balanced or equivalent way. Inevitably, we see mostly Winnie. And if you’re watching it to see him, as on the poster, with his chainsaw blazing, you should know that it only lasts two minutes, although I’m sure it’s a scene that comes up several times in the trailers, isn’t it!

The sequel has nothing but clumsy links with the first. They’ve tried to make a better story, but it’s all a big mess. In the more violent Home Invasions, the criminals often wear masks. Here, what look like masks are real monster faces. And if that sounds incoherent… you ain’t seen nothing yet!

No, there’s nothing funny about it.These two ultra-unhealthy films take themselves far too seriously.
Right! Let me remind you that alcohol and drugs are really not essential for creating art. It’s about time you realised that, folks! And heal your childhood wounds before traumatising others, please!THANK YOU!!!

The English disappoint when they prove that they are also capable of the worst.
Especially as they’d accustomed us to the best in terms of comedy and music.
To tell the truth, I didn’t even know it was possible for them to do comedy badly, such is my respect for them. They really need to rethink their directors and their horror actors and actresses. Sack them and replace them, for God’s sake!

I’m glad the Walt Disney Company kept the rights.
Because… NO, you’re not going to make me believe that Disney is worse and more diabolical than these two pieces of rubbish and this director. You really don’t need any imagination to take on characters that have lulled the childhoods of so many children. I’m talking about the authors of the books too, of course. You’ve got to have a hell of a lot of hatred to turn them into ruthless killers. You really don’t need any talent to make films that are so lacking in rhythm and coherence that they could elevate the worst superhero films to the status of cinematic masterpieces.

To top it all off, the ending (which was far from over anyway) announces a sequel. Yet there’s not much to compare these films to, except to some excrement perhaps.

My Rating

ZERO STARS