The Cleaners (2025)

The Cleaners (2025)

Not to be confused with other films that have (more or less) the same title, such as Cleaner (2025), which is a British drama, also from 2025, directed by Martin Campbell, written by Simon Uttley, Paul Andrew Williams and Matthew Orton, and starring Daisy Ridley and Clive Owen, among others.

It’s such a pain for me to watch French films! Once again, uninteresting dialogue, unlikeable characters, run-of-the-mill direction, backlighting that’s supposed to be artistic but is actually rather pathetic… and the list goes on!

It’s a French film, but the rap songs are in English, just like the film’s title. I don’t know if this film is a remake, but the original must be turning in its grave. Yes, I say that because I don’t think it’s exactly brilliant either.

The main characters are scum. Yes, they’re certainly not the brightest of the bunch, that’s for sure! And bloody cowards to boot! One of the lads doesn’t even try to defend his dad when he’s being roughed up at the start. Then he gets told off by his dad and goes back to his room with his tail between his legs.

The next day, he bumps into a mate and acts all tough, as if he were a real gang leader. But as soon as he’s on his own, he can’t even come up with a retort when four girls make fun of him and humiliate him. I suppose that’s very realistic! We always act all tough around those weaker than ourselves and pretend we’re one of the strong ones.

In the first scene, set in Marseille in 1999, one of the protagonists is eating Lay’s crisps, even though they weren’t introduced in France until 2003!

These characters are so stupid and immature it’s sickening.

Obviously, they’re trying to feed us the old cliché again that poor people aren’t happy! As if that could really work. But it’s obviously reassuring to tell that story. That doesn’t stop most people from wanting to get rich.

There are scenes set in Greece, Albania and Norway; there’s the beauty of the landscape, the variety… but none of that makes for a good film, especially if it’s a soulless, meaningless film.

Brutal, aggressive, gory and, above all, pointless. Everything about this film is rubbish: the title, the plot twists and even the ending.

It’s on a par with the worst American horror thrillers, even though it tries to copy the best ones. It’s so ridiculous it feels like an unintentional parody.

There’s nothing subtle about it, nothing remarkable, nothing worth defending. Poor photography, rather pitiful staging. Yet another complete waste of time!

Rating: Zero Stars